Literacy Minnesota Online Training

People have ingrained and often skewed perceptions about what they consider to be their “perfect” mate in their “perfect” little worlds. They drum out their “requirements” by making a long list of what they seek in a mate in the profile on the dating site and often times, when a person falls short on their terms, they are dropped like a hot bag of dog crap on fire and deemed unworthy of pressing forward with into next week, much less toward any lasting commitment.

If I could count how many times I’ve heard “I’m just not sure if he/she’s the one”, I’d cease having to bring in a paycheck every week for the rest of my natural life. Although our own personal discernment of “The One” in our minds is of our own right, we don’t have the right to lead someone to believe that after they run amok through a series of humiliating tests that WE get to make that decision, while the other person we’re deciding on gets to be led on like a fool.

While everyone has the right to be choosy as far as who we want to spend the majority of our lives with, it’s not a noble act to lead someone to believe that it will happen when it won’t. However, it’s even more foolish on the hand of the person who silently and patiently waits for someone to commit, because they’re too stupid and too gutless to demand more of themselves and their “future” mate.

Men seem to have the upper hand these days because we let them have the upper hand.

The real reason that guy you’re with is unsure about you is….

• He doesn’t want to commit, TO YOU.

Men often have it in their minds almost immediately as to whether or not they want you for the long haul, in spite of whether or not he tells you. Then again, some of them take their sweet time in making that decision about you, hoping you’ll ride it out and wait for him to finally marry you somewhere down the line leading to NEVER.

Beware of men like this. They are called stringers for a reason. They string you along for years on end, breeding into you the constant illusion of the intention to marry, when they don’t have ANY intention of doing so.

For whatever reasons he may be harboring within his mind that he never plans to marry you is of his own misconception, and something about you, whether big or small, is just not good enough for him, nor will it ever be.

Maybe you have financial baggage, maybe you’re not skinny enough, or maybe you’re unwilling to have a threesome with him and your best friend. Either way, how content are you to remain with someone who has all the say as far as what you’re lacking?

For every perceived “imperfection” you have to one man, there will be 10 more who will overlook it. Ditch this guy and move on because you’re NEVER going to be good enough for him. Nor should you strive to be because he isn’t worth a damn.

• He doesn’t want to commit to ANYONE.

This guy doesn’t want to commit to anybody for deeply personal reasons he is unwilling to compromise. It may be that he is a commitment-phobe because he is petrified of the idea of waking up next to the same woman for the rest of his life, or it may be that he has a ton of money that he doesn’t want to share with you and a bunch of kids. Maybe he has intimacy issues or maybe bachelorhood has been much too kind to him and he doesn’t want to break precedent.

Bottom line is when it comes to this guy, he is a selfish toad who doesn’t have enough love or substance to freely give of himself, whether it’s an emotional investment or otherwise. He’s selfish because he thinks only in terms of how he can benefit from a relationship from a very narrow standpoint and to him, nothing’s come along that surpasses his current state of mind or level of comfort.

A guy like this is usually very honest about his unintended intentions with you and will tell you he isn’t looking for anything to tie him down. LISTEN TO HIM and don’t try to change his mind. He’s already made up his mind and you’re not going to dissuade him and the harder you try, the more foolish you’ll look.

Another reason it’s easy for him to dictate the terms of the commitment you’re waiting patiently for is because you’re sitting there patiently waiting for it.

“Yes honey, I love you so much that I’m willing to wait as long as I have to, to marry you. I don’t mind waiting because you’re worth waiting for and I just know that you’ll marry me someday when you’re ready.”

Wow. My gag reflex has me suddenly thrusting myself on the ground in unbearable pain.

Give me an effing break. Any woman who knows down deep that marriage and commitment is important to her SHOULDN’T remain idle and compliant in thinking that her man is going to make that decision, especially when he isn’t making it with any zeal or gusto. Sometimes walking out on a slow-moving bum is the only thing that’s going to get him to budge.

People take people for granted who don’t take a firm stance upon the standards in which they claim to live. When you renege on your standards, that means YOU DON’T HAVE ANY STANDARDS.

Explain to him that it isn’t okay for you to be bumping uglies and playing the devoted “wife” without the luxury of actually being one. Take a stance and don’t back down from your principles. And if he still can’t get it together, walk away from him without looking back. Then he’ll see that you’re serious and he may just give you what you want. If a man doesn’t fight for you, he’s not worth your breath.

Not being the right woman for a certain man is not your fault. As much as we may want a certain person to be that special someone in our lives, people have different needs and ideals and it’s often a blessing in disguise that we don’t take the plunge with someone who isn’t right for us.

It’s detrimental to our future to stay with someone with whom we know won’t fulfill our needs and wants because we end up unhappy and divorced and inevitably alone. Most of all, we end up missing out on the guy who we’re truly meant for.

You may not be the one for him and he may not be the one for you. Don’t let too much time pass before you figure that out because our lives are short enough already. Let the decision be yours too.